I may have a 10 and an 8 year old now, but I can remember the newborn baby stages like they were yesterday. They’re some of the most beautiful moments of my life and I honestly miss them every single day! While there was so much love wrapped up in those moments, there was also a lot of stress and overwhelming times. My first born son was considered colic. I didn’t know it at the time, but I later found out that colic and postpartum depression go hand in hand.
What is Colic?
We all know that babies cry. But there are some babies that… realllllly cry. Like cry on a totally different level. I remember the day my son was born and that first night in the hospital. I didn’t know any better because he was my first, but he cried a lot right off the bat. At the time, we did what any new parents would do and figure out why, of course. We assumed he was hungry. That it was my breastfeeding that was causing the problem and that I wasn’t producing enough.
Side note: Those lactation consultants I had were far from comforting. Take a mom who just had a cesarean, was physically exhausted, hooked up to a bunch of hospital shit that’s trying to learn how to nurse for the first time. Then aggressively grab her breast and get frustrated with her when the baby is trying to latch. Lactation consultants are necessary but for the love of God, quit being so hostile with new mothers. It’s the last thing we need and believe it or not, if a woman can’t nurse it DOESN’T mean her or her baby’s life is over. Moving on…
Although I did successfully breastfeed for a bit, I also supplemented with formula and while it didn’t solve my son’s constant crying, it did calm it down a little bit. Do what is best for you.
Once we got back from the hospital and settled at home, we quickly realized that excessive crying for him was the norm. I remember being SO annoyed by people who would say things like “he must be hungry” “he must need a nap” or “he must need his mommy”. Like, you think I haven’t tried that?! Maybe it shouldn’t have annoyed me as much as it did but I was hormonal, exhausted and honestly? The constant crying will drive anyone nuts. At about 6 months old, we couldn’t wait for it to be over.
Eventually we found out he did have acid reflux and put him on medication, but it never really worked. It was a constant science project of trying to get the right dose, medicine, etc. and the crying continued regardless. We were told we’d just have to wait until he grew out of it.
Great.
There was one night I remember vividly on 4th of July. My husband and I sat for HOURS AND HOURS doing anything and everything to try to console this sweet baby boy. I remember feeling so defeated and like I was just going to drop him. Of course, I never did but the frustration was real. The best way to describe the inconsolable crying was like feeling as if my brain was going to jump out of my head. I had no control and no remedies to solve the problem. No amount of rocking, car rides, gripe water, nursing, bottle feeding, or swaddling would help him. I felt like a horrible mother.
How Colic and Postpartum Depression Go Hand in Hand
As women, we’re supposed to feel blissfully happy at every moment during the first year of our little one’s life. But blissfully happy I was not. It sucks really because I would love to tell you (especially you moms-to-be) that you will be so in awe and in love with your baby that none of the hard stuff matters. But that would be a lie.
Instead, I felt extremely sad at times. To make matters even worse, I would then feel guilty about feeling that sadness because that wasn’t how it was “supposed to be”. Eventually, I realized that I was suffering from postpartum depression and the struggle was real. It took me a long time to pull myself together and even seek help, almost like it was too embarrassing to admit unhappiness during such a beautiful time between a new baby and its mother.
Did Colic Cause My Postpartum Depression?
Was colic the reason for my postpartum depression? I can’t say if it was 100% responsible but I do know it contributed to it greatly. And I’m telling you this because hopefully, it helps you or someone you love get the help and support they need sooner. You don’t know just how dark it can get when you’re listening to a crying baby all the time without relief. That amount of crying isn’t “normal.”
I know this based on other people’s experiences as well as having my second child. I was so paranoid and traumatized from my oldest having colic that it made me very on edge with my second. The minute he started crying in those early days, I would start to spiral. I remember crying one night on the couch to my husband saying “he’s gonna have colic, I know it.” But he didn’t and I was wrong. I quickly realized the difference due to the simple fact that his crying was consolable. He was all the things people used to say about my first child when he cried, the things that once irritated me so much.
Colic and Postpartum Depression – How to Survive
Obviously, if you think there’s some kind of medical issue that’s causing the crying to occur then make an appointment with your child’s pediatrician. But the best piece of advice I can give, that I didn’t do nearly enough of in my son’s first year, is to ACCEPT THE HELP.
I’ll say it again… ACCEPT THE DAMN HELP.
If someone else offers to watch your child or rock them, even if it’s for 30 minutes, let them. Let them and walk away. If you’re mom is telling you she can handle the crying and is trying to give you a break, trust that she totally can and take the break. If you’re husband gets home from work, ask him for a break. (yes, even though he worked all day) No one in their right mind feels okay listening to their baby cry all day long. And although he may have worked all day, it’s not the same mental toll.
I was stubborn and slightly possessive over my son. Meaning, I thought that the only person who could help him at that time was me. The truth is, of course he needed his mama, but I often wasn’t solving anything and the crying continued anyway. The result? I was extremely run down, depressed, and overwhelmed with life. The result of that? I wasn’t the best me I could be for my son.
Swaddling Your Baby
I also HIGHLY recommend swaddling your baby if they’re colic. I’m sure nowadays there are new rules and guidelines on swaddling but for us, swaddling with arms wrapped in was one of the only things that helped him sleep. (and gave us peace) Learn how to do it the right way, firmly. Your baby will probably act like they don’t like it. Do it anyway. Baby’s arms and hands naturally come upward and toward the mouth in those early days. This is normal and doesn’t mean “my baby just likes having his hands by his mouth.” When they sleep, swaddling them prevents their arms from flying upward and disturbing them and ultimately helps keep them asleep. (which we need with a colic baby)
Colic & Postpartum Depression – This Too Shall Pass
Colic and postpartum depression are no joke. Both can steal the beauty from a small moment in time that we’ll never really get back. If you are in suffering from either one, always ask for help and remember that this too shall pass. It might feel like forever while you’re in it but I promise you it will get better. I think the most important thing to remember is that you’re not doing anything wrong. Although your baby may be crying, ask yourself a few questions. Are they safe and loved? Are they fed and dry? If the answer is yes, then hold that confidence near to your heart. You CAN do this and you’re doing a GREAT job.
Remember friends, just as the great Ice Cube once said… Chickity Check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.