Feeling heard and seen throughout life is so important for our mental health. You may not realize it now, but the way we are treated and validated by others impacts us on a much deeper level. It can be confusing to sort through our own emotions and define exactly how we’re feeling half the time. But not feeling heard and seen by others can leave us with symptoms of depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.

Craving Connection

Part of being a healthy human requires a social connection. Most of us want the connection to others, but did you know that we actually need it as well? Having healthy relationships and connections helps us both physically and mentally. Feeling connected helps our overall well-being. It also makes us less likely to experience depression, heart disease, dementia, and more. So even if you’re an introvert and have anti-social tendencies, (like I do at times), remember that you do in fact need other people.

How Feeling Heard and Seen Impacts Our Life

What happens when we don’t feel heard and seen? You can certainly be at risk for the illnesses listed above, but it goes further than that. Not feeling heard and seen causes a feeling of loneliness. I’ve experienced this many times first hand and I bet you have too. You may not have been able to really put your finger on it, but perhaps this post helps you recognize what you may have been missing. I think that’s the key, that something is just missing when we’re not feeling validated. When I’m not feeling heard from anyone in my life I notice myself feeling many of the following.

• Negative
• Grumpier Overall
• Angry
• Bitter
• Lost
• Lonely
• Low Self-Esteem
• Sensitive and Reactive
• Depressed
• Hopeless

People carry their emotions in different ways of course. I think the most important thing is having awareness around the subject. Recognizing how good it feels when we do in fact feel heard and knowing how to communicate that in our relationships.

What Feeling Heard and Seen Looks Like

Benefits of Being Heard and Seen

There are so many benefits to feeling heard. I think in some ways, you need to have some bad relationships where you’re not feeling validated to really notice how it affects you. After I have a productive and satisfying conversation with someone I care about, I feel energized, happier, and more positive about whatever challenges I may be dealing with.

• Releasing Emotions: When we’re able to express ourselves to other people without judgment or backlash, it gives us a sense of relief. When you can let go of things that are bothering you freely, it’s like a negative energy that leaves the body and you feel lighter overall.
• Feelings of Belonging: You know the feeling. The one when you have all this frustration and anger built up inside you and it feels like no one understands or gets it. That feeling can make you feel lonely and segregated. But when we feel truly heard, it lessens the burden we have to carry and makes us more likely to share and open up.
• Trusting Relationships: Being able to trust people is extremely important. When someone is actively listening and engaging, we build confidence and trust in these relationships and in turn? We build confidence in ourselves.
• Improved Self-Esteem: If you think back to a time when you lacked being seen or heard, you probably felt like shit and experienced some doubts about yourself. You may wonder why nobody cares or understands what you’re feeling and end up doubting yourself. You may feel like because no one else gets it, maybe it doesn’t make sense at all. This second-guessing of your own feelings can wreak havoc on your self-esteem.

What Feeling Heard and Seen Looks Like For You Personally

There are certain things that will make you feel seen and heard specifically. If you’ve ever read the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, then you know that people feel loved in different ways. This is true when it comes to being understood, seen, and heard too.

We all have certain methods of communication that will make us feel the most fulfilled and in order to communicate that properly, you need to figure out what those methods are. Reflect back on conversations you’ve had with other people. How did you feel after the fact? Did you feel better or worse? What about those interactions made you feel good inside, aka, seen and heard?

How to Communicate Your Needs to Those You Love

Unfortunately, there will come a time when you need to communicate what it is you need. We can’t expect everyone to show up for us 100% of the time. People have their own lives and their own issues and guess what? That can make other people emotionally unavailable at times. Be aware of this fact and do give people a break on occasion. Now, if they’re never present and available for you, then that’s another story.

Little Things That May Make You Feel Heard and Seen

If this is new to you, or you’re not really sure what feeling heard and seen actually looks like. Here are some of the things people do that make me feel heard and seen. Remember, what feels good in one interaction may not always be what you need. So give Grace to those who are trying to show up for you.

• Active listening without interruptions
• Hearing what I’m saying, not just listening
• Willing to be 100% present – free of distractions
• Not trying to solve my problem, but just being there and listening
• Providing a simple hug without words
• Asking about my day – and hearing my response
• Respecting how I feel about a situation and giving space when needed
• Someone making note of the things that hurt me
• Someone making a mental note of what lights me up
• Validating what I’m saying by showing empathy toward my emotions about it
• Not making topics about themselves instead
• Not judging my experience or journey
• Loving me no matter what
• Keeping our conversations private and not gossiping
• Being willing to talk about the hard stuff
• Telling me the truth when I ask for it

Helping Others Feel Seen and Heard

Often what we put out into the world will come back to us. Keep in mind the good ole’ Golden Rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. As much as we want to be seen and heard, we have to be willing to see and hear others. We have to understand that we’re all going through something and not always take it personally when someone isn’t 100% engaged with us.

On the flip side, you do deserve to feel seen and heard. So if someone isn’t ever showing up for you or willing to adjust to some of your needs, then maybe it’s the relationship itself. Remember that you deserve to live the best life you can live, and the people we spend our days with have a big impact on that life. Always choose wisely. 🙂

Remember friends, just as the great Ice Cube once said… Chickity Check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.

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