If I’m being honest, how to find happiness and “inner peace” within myself is something I’ve been trying to find for as long as I can remember. I was in the 7th or 8th grade when I first started to struggle with mental health and depression. Much of this was due to circumstances at school, but man, did I feel it. I’ve always been someone who “felt” things on a deeper level, and I often didn’t know what to do with all those emotions in the present moment.
At times, my negative emotions have even left me feeling like an outcast. I was always absorbing so much of the world around me, and it left me riding unbuckled on a roller coaster of emotions. My immediate family wasn’t one to really understand that emotion, and at times, this made me keep things to myself and feel pretty lonely.
High School Days
Fast forward to High School, a new set of circumstances, and the ups and downs continued. I often missed school and felt confused as to why everyday life didn’t feel as easy for me as it seemed to for my peers. I overthought most things in my life, feared being myself, new situations, and just ended up going through the motions. My senior quote was “Happiness is a choice you make”, or something in that regard. It’s funny to look back to 20 years ago and realize I’m still trying to find out what true happiness looks like.
Finding Happiness Within Yourself
Here’s what I HAVE figured out. In order to find a happy life, the first step is to STOP victimizing yourself. This only continues the cycle of sadness and depressive thoughts. It’s time to have a more positive outlook on life and what you can achieve. I’ve often sat around angry at the world, my circumstances, and the people around me, wishing that my daily life were different. Doing this for too long wastes time, it wastes YOUR precious time, and certainly won’t improve your emotional well-being.
So what does improve quality of life?
Taking action. We must take action to improve our lives and find true contentment in the little things. For me, it’s always been feelings of pain that forced me to finally start taking action. Usually, it’s a lot of pain. I’ll get to a point where the emotional pain even becomes physical and it’s at that moment that I decide to make changes. The good news is you can prevent yourself from getting to that point by following a few practical steps now. So what exactly does that look like?
Look Around You
An integral part of what defines your level of happiness are the people you engage with. What type of people are you surrounding yourself with? Do you have a toxic “best friend”? Are they positive people or do they make you feel depleted and down when you’re finished spending time with them? Do they boost you up and hope you reach your personal goals? Or is jealousy rearing its ugly head and secretly trying to knock you down? Is a passive-aggressive family member leaving you confused on social media instead of being clear, kind and direct? Having mutual respect is extremely important in any relationship you choose to partake in.
Unfortunately, you need to remove anyone who is not helping you feel like your best self. If your relationship is one-sided and you’re putting in all the effort and work, then rethink that relationship. If it feels like more work than enjoyment, rethink that too. Do you think they’re bad-mouthing you behind your back or feel they’re untrustworthy? These people are a roadblock to finding a happier life, and it’s time to take action. The best way to do this? It doesn’t mean you need some dramatic ending or to tell someone off, it just means that you create distance and stop investing your precious time into human beings who don’t have your best interest at heart. This is about personal growth here, and you can’t let anyone else stand in your way.
How to Find Happiness Within Yourself
Look in the Mirror
Now take those same questions and think about yourself. Are YOU selfish? Are you being a good friend and lending a helping hand or an open ear? Can you listen, not just hear, what other people are saying? Do you pick apart everything they do and think you’re perfect?
It can be hard to admit that we, too, have our faults. But being able to admit and learn from those faults is a huge part of increasing happiness levels. Sometimes we’re aware of our faults, and other times we are completely oblivious. No one expects you to be perfect, but make sure you aren’t getting in your own way when it comes to finding inner happiness.
Finding Yourself Again
Do you know who you are? Like really know who you are? Not the person your parents or spouse think you should be, but the one you are deep down in your soul? (aka your authentic self) This is CRUCIAL to finding happiness because if you feel lost and unsure, you won’t know how to fill up your “cups” with what you need.
Try to revisit who you were as a child. What things came naturally to you and gave you a sense of freedom and joy from the feel-good chemicals they released? Sometimes we shove these traits and hobbies deep down if they’re not accepted or embraced by the ones around us. But I can promise you, those play a huge role in your ticket to happiness.
The New You
Aside from the interests and parts of you that have always made you who you are, think about who you could be. It’s so easy to lose ourselves along the way, and we no doubt change over time. So today, what are some new things you can try? Find a new hobby that might feed your soul and give you a new sense of purpose! I personally fell in love with gardening, and I absolutely love it! While I’m picking and pruning, my mind is free of all thoughts in the simplest sense. We all need hobbies and interests that free our minds and give us a break from racing, often negative thoughts.
A Busy Girl is a Happy Girl
My Grandma’s friend used to always say “A busy girl is a happy girl,” and that’s true. This doesn’t mean stuffing your schedule with so much that you don’t have a moment to yourself, but do pack your daily routine with hobbies, relationships, and work! Boredom has never been a good thing for me. When I force myself to get back into the world, I feel like I have more purpose and life satisfaction overall. It keeps me out of my own negative thoughts. Sitting around with too much time on your hands can lead to the victim mentality I mentioned above, and leave you feeling anxious and depressed.
Set Meaningful Goals
Setting goals for yourself is another great way to set yourself up for a more fulfilling life. By accomplishing goals, you give yourself a strong sense of self. You show yourself that you can push through your own barriers and this TRULY will improve the quality of your life!
A Choice You Make – Finding Happiness
At the end of the day, I do believe you create your own happiness. Finding your own happiness is a result of positive changes, good health, and good habits. It’s a personal journey, and one that only you can make positive. My senior quote was possibly the only thing I was right about in my senior year of high school. 😊
We have to somehow move past the hard times, the past hurts, and give ourselves the good things in life. This means choosing healthy relationships and what we spend our time doing. Long-lasting happiness doesn’t come from luck, it comes from taking action and treating our mind and body with what we need and enjoy.
I want to note that if you are in fact suffering from clinical depression, I highly recommend you get help professional help. Be it through therapy with a mental health professional or medications, please reach out for help. Depression and sadness are not the same thing. So keep that in mind when applying the above. But these tips won’t hurt anything either. Medications and therapy will not “fix” you entirely, so put in the work to get yourself out of the dark and into a good place again.
Remember friends, just as the great Ice Cube once said… Chickity Check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.