If I’m being honest, how to find happiness within myself is something I’ve been trying to find for as long as I can remember. I was in the 7th or 8th grade when I first started to struggle with mental health and depression. Much of this was due to circumstances at school, but man did I feel it. I’ve always been someone who “felt” things on a deeper level, and I often didn’t know what to do with all those emotions.
At times, my emotions have even left me feeling like an outcast. I was always absorbing so much of the world around me, and it left me riding unbuckled on a roller coaster of emotions. My immediate family wasn’t one to really understand that emotion, and at times, this made me keep things to myself and feel pretty lonely.
High School Days
Fast forward to High School, a new set of circumstances, and the ups and downs continued. I often missed school and felt confused as to why everyday life didn’t feel as easy for me as they seemed to for my peers. I overthought most things in my life, feared being myself, new situations, and just ended up going through the motions. My senior quote was “Happiness is a choice you make”, or something in that regard. It’s funny to look back to 20 years ago and realize I’m still searching for happiness.
Finding Happiness Within Yourself
Here’s what I HAVE figured out. Victimizing yourself only continues the cycle of sadness and depressive thoughts. I’ve often sat around angry at the world, my circumstances, and the people around me, wishing that things were different. Doing this for too long wastes time, it wastes YOUR precious time, and certainly won’t improve your quality of your life.
So what does improve quality of life?
Taking action. We must take action to improve our lives. For me, it’s always been feelings of pain that forced me to start finally taking action. Usually, it’s a lot of pain. I’ll get to a point where the emotional pain even becomes physical and it’s at that moment that I decide to make changes. But you can prevent yourself from getting to that point by taking action now. So what exactly does that look like?
Look Around You
What type of people are you surrounding yourself with? Are they toxic? Do they make you feel depleted and down when you’re finished spending time with them? Do they boost you up and want the best for you? Or is jealousy rearing its ugly head and secretly trying to knock you down? Are they passive-aggressive, leaving you confused instead of being clear, kind and direct?
Unfortunately, you need to remove anyone who is not helping you feel like your best self. If your relationship is one-sided and you’re putting in all the effort and work, then rethink that relationship. If it feels like more work than enjoyment, rethink that too. Do you think they’re bad-mouthing you behind your back or feel they’re untrustworthy? These people are a roadblock to finding happiness within yourself, and it’s time to take action. This doesn’t mean you need some dramatic ending or to tell someone off, it just means that you create distance and stop investing your precious time into someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
How to Find Happiness Within Yourself – Look in the Mirror
Now take those same questions and think about yourself. Are YOU selfish? Are you being a good friend and lending a helping hand or an open ear? Can you listen, not just hear, what other people are saying? Do you pick apart everything they do and think you’re perfect? It can be hard to admit that we too have our faults. But being able to admit and learn from those faults is a huge part of finding happiness within yourself. Sometimes we’re aware of our faults, and other times we are completely oblivious. No one expects you to be perfect, but make sure you aren’t getting in your own way of a more fulfilling life.
Finding Yourself Again
Do you know who you are? Like really know who you are? Not the person your parents or spouse think you should be, but the one you are deep down in your soul? This is CRUCIAL to finding happiness because if you feel lost, you’re never going to fill up your “cups” with what you need. Try to revisit who you were as a child. What things came naturally to you and gave you a sense of freedom and joy? Sometimes we shove these traits and hobbies deep down and away if they’re not accepted or embraced by the ones around us. But I can promise you, those play a huge role in your ticket to happiness.
Growing into the New You
Aside from the interests and parts of you that have always made you who you are, think about who you could be. It’s so easy to lose ourselves along the way and we no doubt change over time. So today, what’s something new you can try? Find a new hobby that might feed your soul! I personally fell in love with gardening and I absolutely love it! While I’m picking and pruning, my mind is free of all thoughts. We all need hobbies and interests that free our minds and give us a break from racing, often destructive thoughts.
A Busy Girl is a Happy Girl
My Grandma’s friend used to always say “A busy girl is a happy girl” and that’s entirely true. This doesn’t mean stuffing your schedule with so much that you don’t have a moment to yourself, but do keep active with hobbies, relationships, and work! Boredom has never been a good thing for me. When I force myself to get back into the world, I feel like I have more purpose and joy overall. It keeps me out of my own negative thoughts. Sitting around with too much time on your hands can lead to the victim mentality I mentioned above, and leave you feeling anxious and depressed even when you wouldn’t normally.
A Choice You Make – Finding Happiness
At the end of the day, I do believe happiness is a choice. My senior quote was quite possibly the only thing I was right about my senior year of high school. 😊We have to put in the effort and give ourselves the good things in life. This means the people we choose to have in our lives and what we spend our time doing. A good life doesn’t come from luck, it comes from taking action and treating our mind and body with what we need and enjoy.
I want to note that if you are in fact suffering from clinical depression, I highly recommend you get help for yourself. Be it through therapy or medications, please reach out for help. Depression and sadness are not the same thing. So please keep that in mind when applying the above. But these tips won’t hurt anything either. Medications and therapy will not “fix” you entirely, so put in the work to get yourself out of the dark and into the light of happiness within.
Remember friends, just as the great Ice Cube once said… Chickity Check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.