The perfect female body is something I’ve admittedly always dreamed of having. Haven’t we all? I’m not entirely sure at which point in my youth I started having body issues, but I know I was pretty young. This was due to several different reasons I’m sure, but I can tell you that one of those reasons was the people around me. They often reinforced the importance of having the perfect body, both knowingly and unknowingly. This is when the search for the perfect body really began.

The Perfect Female Body – Expectations

Society’s Expectations

Over time, I think we’re slowly molded by society. Molded to be a certain way in all aspects of our lives. Beauty, brains, lifestyle, career, education, etc. If you’re not matching up with what society tells you is “perfect” at that moment, it can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and leave you feeling miserable because of it.

It’s wild when you think about the effect society has on us as individuals. Think about it. You came into this world as your own, unique, amazing self with natural interests and things that light you up. But as you age, society has a massive impact on who you actually become. This applies to all parts of our life but the female body is certainly one of them. Society believes that the perfect female body is a specific size, shape, and weight. Typically thin, possibly “curvy” (but only in the right places of course). Not too tall, and not too short.

Family Expectations

In my case, my family had expectations of what I should look like too. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t raised with brutal parents who deprived me of food to keep me skinny or anything, there were just… comments. And those comments always stuck with me.

For example, every year as a child, my grandma would take me back to school shopping in the late summer. I’ll never forget my 8th-grade year when she realized I was a size 9 in the junior department. I was already insecure because I was far from petite in comparison to many of my super skinny, 5’2 friends. But this was just one example of how the insecurity was reinforced.

Like we always did, my grandma and I went to lunch after our shopping trip. While we were waiting for a table, I can remember her telling me to “make sure you just stay right there”, and “don’t get any bigger.” Needless to say, I didn’t really eat much at lunch that day and I became even more self-conscious because of it. I swear I will forever have “don’t get any bigger” echoing in my head. I bet you have a lot of comments from other people echoing in your head too.

Friend & Peer Expectations

Even friends have their little comments and digs. As I mentioned above, it can be difficult at such a young age to NOT be the smallest, most petite one of the group. I remember feeling like I was just “too big” all the time. I was taller than everyone else and hovering over people used to make me feel so self-conscious. Even in high school, when others started to catch up to me in the height department, I was still 5’7 and 5’9 with heels on. I felt like a giant in pictures and was always trying to slouch and balance out the picture.

When I was bullied by friends, I was referred to as sasquatch as I made my way down the halls. Peers specifically leave such an impression without even knowing the weight of their words. I now know that I am in fact not sasquatch, nor am I a giant. But it’s hard to navigate through all those words at a young age.

The Beauty Industry

Then there’s the beauty industry. We all know damn well that the models and celebrities we see definitely have an impact on what we see when we look in the mirror. It’s only recently that we’ve started to see more body equality and brands like Target advertising with “average-sized” women. But even with that progression, there are still plenty of people who have nasty comments for anyone who looks like a normal woman. Online trolls show the sad truth time and time again when we read the comment section on social media.

My Own Toughest Critic

I’m not sure if we are naturally are own toughest critics or if we become that way based on all the negative influences as we grow up. But I do know that I’ve been absolutely BRUTAL to myself over the years and that being kinder to myself hasn’t been an easy task. I think we can all relate here. I’ve told myself I’m hideous, fat, huge, fugly, disgusting, and many more horrible terms. As the saying goes… “If you wouldn’t say it to someone else, why do you say it to yourself?”

Saying Goodbye to The Perfect Female Body

So how do we actually get past not having the perfect female body? How do we say goodbye and more importantly, become okay with not having it? Like many things in life, it all comes down to mindset. Here are a few things that have helped me let it go and feel better about my body overall.

Forget About The Measurements

Realizing that your actual clothing size or number on the scale is irrelevant has been huge for me. In my adolescence, I didn’t even know that sizes were different between stores. I didn’t know there was a difference between junior and women’s sizing. I also didn’t know that the same weight on one person can look entirely different on another and thus, the number on the scale is irrelevant.

It all comes down to how we feel in our own skin. When I was in my 20’s, my weight fluctuated a bit. When I became the skinniest I’ve ever been in my life and was barely eating, I remember promising myself I’d never go over the weight of 145 again. I now know this measurement is just stupid and doesn’t define who I am.

Discover A Different Version Of Sexy

Sexy comes in all sizes and shapes. If you’re like most of us and don’t have what society calls the perfect body, then you’ve got to reframe the picture. If you don’t, you’re gonna be sitting in this place of misery and resistance for much of your life. Take a look at the world around you. There are beautiful people that come in all sizes and shapes. If you can just change your perspective a little bit on what perfect HAS to look like, you’ll naturally let the expectations go and love yourself much more as you are.

Compliment Yourself

Hey, I know it’s a little cliche, but it’s true. We have to be kinder to ourselves and we have to retrain ourselves to have better habits. That means practicing every single day. Start your day off by telling yourself you’re beautiful and saying I love you to yourself in the mirror.

If you struggle to do this, try writing down all the NICE compliments you’ve received from other people. It doesn’t have to be a massive list, a couple will do just fine. Take them, and repeat them to yourself daily until it becomes a new habit to hear nice things about yourself. Taking the words that someone actually said can feel stronger in the beginning if you don’t really believe what you’re saying to yourself.

Time is a Teacher

Time plays a huge factor in letting go here. I think it’s suffering in your own skin for so long that you get tired of carrying the unnecessary weight on your shoulders. Letting go of the perfect female body will allow you to feel free and enjoy all parts of your life more deeply. Hopefully, if you’re not quite there yet, you can take this post and get a jump start on letting go right now, rather than later.

I’m sure I’ll never feel 100% confident in my skin every single day. But my perspective has definitely changed a bit. The truth is, I have wasted SO MUCH FUCKING TIME wishing I looked a certain way. It’s sad really. When I reflect back on the frustrated, negative energy I’ve lived with in relation to my own body, it simply wasn’t worth it. It didn’t do anything for me. It instead hurt me and sucked the life out of situations because I was too self-conscious to actually enjoy what I was doing.

You can do yourself a favor today, and start letting go of the perfect female body too because guess what? It never has and never will exist. Have you done anything specific to let go of having the perfect body?

Remember friends, just as the great Ice Cube once said… Chickity Check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.